As children grow, we learn rules of interaction, the rules of engagement,
since childhood, my conscience acts as a beacon light to guide and shine brightly,
covered over by soot and grime, it took me years to learn to keep it clean,
how did I lose my way on the path clearly set before me as a child,
if I did not listen to my parents, they beat some sense into my head,
listening to my gut, these feelings of instinct, teach us how to survive,
driving forces impelled me to act against rules as I craved attention,
religion could not help keep me from doing wrong, not doing the right thing,
exactly because laws set upon stone tablets millennia ago
never taught us the art of living in this world, truth and consequences,
gaining in reflection as an adult of past mistakes during childhood,
realizing the art of practice, of training to run a marathon
of course takes discipline, patience, understanding, affecting all aspects
working through adulthood, become your own parent, take back the art of play,
wonders, the marvelous aspects of everyday, quotidian lifestyle,
enter into a pact with eudaimonia, with my prosperity,
lessons learned in childhood teach us psychology, the nature of our thoughts,
entering the body to complete an action, revealing our own minds,
as children overwhelmed by the metaphysics of ethical judgment,
religion cannot help by offering the law without authority,
nothing present, nothing observed as real, as true, as not simply fiction,
remembering the gut, the visceral feelings within create conscience,
understanding we can Ignore these gut feelings or act on our instincts,
left alone as a child with only my brother and his friends, I lacked truth,
endlessly misguided by myself and others, I craved the attention
strict and harsh discipline offered as a comfort to a lack of sense felt,
of touch by a hard slap, a kick, a punch, and rage instilled into a child,
for love can be brutal at times, behind closed doors, this is how I found truth,
in the Seventies, kids had both parents working, teachers ignored the signs,
no one knew we were bad, why we became rotten, gambling, drinking, smoking,
that girls became mothers at twelve was no wonder, the kids were having sex,
entering the Eighties, everything changed, the shift in culture was clearly
reactive by parents and the politicians, conservative leaders,
as children, we rebelled against Reagan and punk was our outlet to fight
conservative party politics, we listened to music that spoke words
to enthrall teenagers with anger and outrage, to pick up instruments
in our own bands and sing, burn down bridges with noise, anarchy and chaos,
of our own destruction, we watched ourselves take drugs, to escape confusion,
no one could save our souls, no one cared if we crashed and burned in the nighttime,
transcending past mistakes as an adult, I grew to learn how to reflect,
however, I became stunted, reality took time to figure out,
eventually, money became our sole concern, after education,
restless youth seek outlets to explore their future, our lives tied to pipe dreams,
under occupation by conservative groups we rebelled, paradise
left us no solutions to our present problems, and Reagan's government
engaged society with repression and fear as tactics of control,
sentiments ran rampant entering the Nineties, with rap and indie grunge,
only inner city gang activity was news in the suburbs,
for the kids in L.A., gang membership became a fact of life or death,
engagement as adults was a double-edged sword, where life means in for life,
no one considers crime as craving attention, but sociologists,
given training in school to decipher actions taken by young adults
argue against closed minds, conservative leaders creating three strike rules,
garnering attention from police who shoot first and ask questions later,
entering the Noughties, all hell has broken loose, we've lost sight of conscience,
mentally, I have grown since I graduated from college, an adult
entering middle age, looking back at time lost, and good times gone for good,
no one to celebrate with during the lockdown, as we shelter inside,
that my karma is mine alone is the knowledge I gained as an adult.
