I've made mistakes, mistakes I can't correct, / people I've hurt, mom, dad, brother, and friends, / people who will no longer talk with me, / I can't blame them, I too feel such remorse, / for living this life, not knowing the rules, / staying true to what was once in my heart, / covered over with shame, guilt and sorrow, / a fine layer of dust, dust upon dust, / year after year, until the light goes dim, / no one tells you how to clean up past wrongs, / they tell me to forgive myself, move on, / and get on with my life, but the cycles / circle like a gyre, to which I return, / I meet the same conflict over again, / I learn the same lesson since the first time, / but everything changes, nothing remains / the same, so how can I improve myself, / how can I help others if I can't help / myself, can I trust I won't lie and cheat / just to get ahead in the business world, / my karma faces me like a brick wall, / I cannot scale its height, like a mountain, / the snow-capped peaks gleam with a clear conscience, / I've carried the weight of my wrongdoing / for so long, my body slopes mis-shapen, / I try to accept my faults, past mistakes, / shortcomings, and not dwell inside my head, / full of arguments with others unseen, / angry for so many years, I can't stop, / I don't have the tools to replace the pain, / I live as honestly as I can bear, / the burden of life is too much for me, / much of the time, I just want to give up, / to quit this world, end this life and be done, / but I was there at my friend's funeral / after she successfully hung herself, / her dress and make-up, her open casket, / she would not have chosen any of that, / her mother wailing, her little girl gone, / it was her second suicide attempt, / I've witnessed the after-effects her death / had on her family and friends, so young, / so beautiful, so full of life, now gone, / I knocked on her front door that afternoon, / either she was alive, or she was dead, / (like Schrödinger's cat), her death still haunts me. //
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