Walter Lusio, my dad, suffered as a child
having lost his dad, an older man with three kids
a young wife widowed in Nairobi, Kenya, there
there, my dear Mumma, we weren't born yet, free and wild
We being us two, my older brother and me
except, I don't count, after being on the skids
Don't make excuses, my brother, he doesn't care
of course, about dad, his best friend until he died
nobody denies Terence was dad's favorite, see
talk about privilege and entitlement, first born
To see the Rolex go to my brother, say less
alcoholics stick together, ever forlorn
likelihood unknown as to cause or reason, guess
kin will stick to kin, I never fit in, to hide
aspects of the truth, under rugs, behind closed doors
because a disease destroys families from within
obey the house rules until you have your own house
understand nothing, context and perspective floors
the grounded nature of hindsight in reflection
We don't talk about the family to others, sin
however you want but never betray a louse
even if a mouse or rat carried the plague, fleas
never were to blame, The Very Reverend John Donne
Well known for "The Flea", Donne blamed neither mouse nor rat
even his brother died of the bubonic plague
Don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel as if a cat
overly feral in a home had the ague
not malaria but from eggshells, ill at ease
the alcoholics faced no consequences but death
To talk, trust, or feel came easily to the brutes
as a sensitive, observant child, I was not
liked by my parents, I could never hold my breath
kiss the world goodbye, in hope of love, an outcast
a pariah, still, I don't go home to my roots
but I wait my turn for my brother to die, caught
off-guard, off-balance, Koyaanisqatsi, this life
understood as lies, as an actor is miscast
the disillusion comes after years of seeking
truth for delusion, alcoholism, the games
how my parents played by their rules, I was freaking
eighteen, lost my mind, starving myself in the flames
Fire burn off the dross, the excess, I found a wife
and lost to divorce, twenties, thirties, forties gone
maybe at fifty, I no longer cared at all
illness is sickness, I was sick of being sick
literally mad, angry at their inane con
yet, we never talk to others about the rules
terrible to live like this for so long, the fall
of Adam and Eve was nothing to this farce, Kick
Out the Jams, Mother Fuckers, I won't sing the Blues
tragedy is real, the only thing taught in schools
how playground bullies make no one talk, trust or feel
end analogy, a house of bullies, no home
remember to breathe, the eternal return, peel
slowly and see, art recognizes the sea foam
I witness Venus, naked and must pay my dues
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