Notes from Underground ~ Sunday, February 19, 2023

Because I worried, I did not follow my guts and I fell apart

Every person thinks, decides, judges and opines within an instant

Creation happens every moment, restructured, when I did not choose

As my chosen field to enlist with the Marines, at the line to start

Until my cold feet and big mouth got in my way, thanks hubris and pride

Sinister forces, deep inside my character, tell me what I can't

Engage in because I am a sensitive man, how I choose to lose

I play keep away with a fútbol on the pitch but I am no one

Worthless, as my peers well know, I'm a lucky man who could not decide

Or, go with the flow; win, place, or show. I don't know how to glow, firefly

Remember, Summer? You were too cute for this brute. I was shy and dumb

Rest assured, I speak at length now and bore women to death, it's no lie

If I were but mute, couldn't talk, I would be cute, old man, what a bum

Even idiots write better verse than this dolt. I've become no fun

Demonic, I wish. I have no super powers, a hero to none

I am a dull man. I am a dim, old light bulb. I am a dark star

Despondent, this life without children, without hope, I've no one to blame

Including myself, as I have little control to change, get things done

Depression affects my ability to ask for help, my desire

Nay, my intention to create a foundation will never go far

Old man wants to help, to give poverty-stricken people, hope, not shame

Troubled since childhood, I acted out all the time, cried for help, the belt

Felt good, I was bad. I deserved what I received, a bad boy set fire

Or was with a friend, I tried to put out the blaze, the firemen came

Left for the police to put us both in a cell, two other friends ran

Little did I know the beating I would receive, a picture to frame

Objections aside, food, clothing, shelter, no love, as a broken man

Wonders never cease, everything is beautiful, except what I felt

Maybe you read this poem to understand life, how a man could sink

Yellow, down below, down in a hole, in a well, how did I descend

Given the gifted, talented education program of my past

Understand me not, I am a cipher, zero, a paradox, blink

To think, I am gone, achieved nothing with this mind, blind, not blind, can see

Simply everything, I realized how God's mind would appear, ascend

As if man could know how space-time functions in mind, how fishermen cast

Nets within the sea, then wait to pull out their catch, disciples of Christ

Disciples of God, atheists read the Bible, I believe in qi

I threw off the yoke of Catholic oppression, five hundred years, tears

Fears of being harmed, life and property, believe what you want, I left

Even felt bereft of meaning within this world, such was their grip, years

Lost to instruction, Indoctrination, accept the warp and the weft

Loosen the textile weave, the tapestry woven, the Fates sacrificed

As mythology gave way to the battle sword of religion, faith

Plays a role, unknown, imperceptible to mind, to worship a wraith

Articles of faith, auto-da-fé, heretic beware, you will burn

Remember God's love is not man's grasp for power, will I never learn

To throw off the yoke requires an empty mind, pure, the real, one eighth

Will You Be My Valentine? ~ Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Work becomes routine, making money, second job, third job, side hustle

In the end, to live, the end justifies the means, we work for money

Life gets hard with stress, some people will do strange things to make a living

Leave their own families for extended periods of time, the bustle

Yet, the bonds of love stay strong in the face of work and earning a buck

Only once a year do adults act like children, plans to make honey

Understand others suffer the horrors of love, the unforgiving

Brutality passed down from father to his sons, how they treat women

Each person decides to accept or to reject this right way to fuck

Maybe violence is okay if no one talks, no one trusts, nor feels

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend who was attacked and kicked in the back

Violence persists in the minds of certain men who kick up their heels

And strike women down with impunity, blameless of such an attack

Lend me your good ear to hear, you don't want to hear, taste of persimmon

Each man makes a choice, to act this way or not, choose or act out in kind

No one enjoys blood, bruises, broken bones, their lives destroyed in minutes

Take a look within as conscience shines a bright light in the cave of screams

If you read these words, the choir rarely does harm, a kick in the guts

No man worth his salt acts this way but yes, they do, not just in their dreams

Even online games, "Will you be my Valentine?" Make certain men blind

Vexed Dislocation ~ Monday, February 13, 2023

What I really love is belief in the process that we get better

How and when or why nobody knows for certain; then, it just happens

Ask me no questions, I may never get back home but I continue

To play with logic to make sense of the absurd as a go-getter

I get lost at times, I lose my way from the goal but then I return

Remember I've but no responsibilities except to dragons

Except they exist in our imagination not in the sinew

As a metaphor, the universe as body, the speculative

Let me return home, a home I have never been as I cannot learn

Let alone enjoy anything in this country for my privation

Yet deprivation others suffer equally so what is the point

Love is all, they say and in this I am lucky but explanation

Of course, lets reason guide a soul without passion, is time out of joint

Vexed dislocation, I used to play drums, a dream now vegetative

Eclipse sun and moon, the poets don't use these words as sentimental

Informed by naive standards of debased writing, the criterion

Structured by a break, always a break, with the past, continuity

Banished to exile, like me in America, this occidental

Episode lacks hope, as a drummer, a poet, or an old runner

Leave him well alone, he has issues or demons, Old Hyperion

If to die in youth is a blessing for no one, perspicuity

Ends the big picture as an unnecessary addition to thought

Focus on the good, the beautiful, and the true, as a tail gunner

It would be easy to face death each time I flew, I am not to blame

No one is to blame but consequences entail, enfold the curtains

Take consolation in the eternal return of the same, my shame

Haunted by ideas of the Afterlife, stupid theories as gardens

Each philosopher with her hard-won PhD, her soul, sold and bought

Process offers depth to a world of surfaces, a textual weave

Remember my birth in a city far away, not unlike my friend

Only she was born in Japan, it means little, not in her background

Country of birthright, completely arbitrary, nothing up my sleeve

Except a rabbit inside a velvet top hat, magician, no thanks

Simply no career, dead-end jobs, no confidence, money as an end

Success or failure, depends on your perspective, I'm healthy and sound

Trust superstition to knock on wood, not speak thoughts aloud for gods' ears

How it seems a mess, total loss in readership, does my gun shoot blanks

Ask me no questions, I ask myself too many, at a loss for words

Trust me, I give up, what's the point of going on, no one cares to read

Wicked as a child, I acted out to events, these ancient potsherds

Enter dysfunction, the child, a moth in a web, spider spins to bleed

Guarantees exist not for biological families, sustain tears

Even a worse word the poets will not accept, sentimental schlock

Track geographic, I stay away from toxic people, thus few friends

Better to explore, live with a purpose, even if it's just a sham

Enter my sorrow, a lifetime of suffering, time becomes a clock

Transform the bitter into sweet kindness and joy, don't make me vomit

Truculent and fierce, I accept the bad and worse, justify the ends

Elicit the means as process to make better, the ghost of the clam

Remember the wounds eventually heal, the scars, bees in my bonnet

Death to Robert Frost, Pull the Wool Over Your Eyes, Silly Gibberish ~ Sunday, February 12, 2023

No, don't let them know, move on, let them wonder why you just couldn't stay

on another day, they aren't worth your time, your time is invaluable

decide on yourself, bet on yourself and win big, just because you can

only, they'll call back, they need to know, it's your life, make them earn your say

not only your words but your energy, priceless, don't give it away

tackle the next job with as much gusto, or not, you're responsible

least of all for words of explanation, let go, shit can hit the fan

even this is not your problem, you have choices to make and money

to save for later, your nest egg, like a Sparrow, messy but okay

ten percent or more each paycheck in a savings account, let it sit

how the Buddha sits, patiently, maturation takes decades not years

entertain ideas of interest, places to see and people to meet

meet outside the job, for fun, whatever that means, did you forget, tears

kiss each cheek with hugs, little rivers, streams on fire, it's just not funny

nope, nothing to show for years, nay, decades of work, the plan to get out

of the old rat race, with Hemingway's solution, or a different route

what the future holds, uncertainty for certain, speculate, a risk

money is the truth, what is the criterion, give the girl a shout

only she knows pain, suffering grounds our sorrows, the bottle opens

vengeance with each glass, move on, let the bottle be for others, no clout

earned downing Bourbon, unless your distillery is called 'Basilisk'

or you're the owner, but not the whole bottle, taste, move on, let it go

nothing ever came of habitual drug use, watch your cocks and hens

lose yourself in time, you'll forget why you came here, where are my glasses

eat up all the food only to run all the miles, no, you can't sit still

to count breaths, or steps, amounts to the same thing, breathe, no one makes passes

today, tomorrow, ever again, an old man, if you pay the bill

humans disregard your presence, a good thing, too, you've nothing to show

entertain children as a clown, a magician, a doctor, a nurse

maybe you don't care about the rest of the world, that's okay, you know

wonder about time, instantaneous chaos, only one moment

only one event, simultaneous time-line, all events, a curse

no such thing as time, imagine linear scales, meaningless drivel

decide to study philosophy for a change, you thought long ago

everything occurs in the blink of an eye, poof, time becomes unspent

remember childhood memories filled with trauma, how the mind plays tricks

what and where is mind, is it the brain, the body, or both, to shrivel

how a cicada, in Greek myths, lives forever, cursed by a lover

yes, love's not perfect, get over it, Valentine, you, too, will die soon

yes, this, too, is good, never to live forever, a conceit, Grover

oh, to disappear, but seriously, where to, a hot-air balloon

under the night sky, until Trudeau shoots you down, nowhere, with these pricks

just in time, Justin, the government is yours now, hold your head up high

under government, idiots will protect you from nothing worthwhile

still, nowhere to go, everyone mimics the same, monkeys in a tree

trade in your pension for a lovely plot, your grave, you won't ever die

called your bluff, taxes, every year with no loopholes, you're not rich enough

okay, die lonely, or in love, somebody hurts, leave a lovely smile

until portraiture, no longer so serious, let people be free

let people be free, not in the Constitution, no, we are all slaves

decide to be free, think whatever thoughts you choose, ball lands in the rough

now, you laugh out loud, you're in love with life itself, let go and move on

tragedies happen, to think you were once a pawn, now, you own nothing

such is life, let go, money comes and money goes, the billionaire con

to make you believe it's the only thing worthwhile, money has no spring

as locks and tumblers seal the vaults inside the bank, money comes in waves

yes, don't let them know, move on, let them wonder why you just couldn't stay

Allahu Akbar ~ Thursday, February 9, 2023

Time to give up HOPE, wanna-be, try-hard, big wig politicians bore

immaculate holes through my retinae with sharp, shish kebab skewers

mission accomplished, eyes impaled by medical-grade metal meat sticks

enormous applause from their life-long retinue, a job well done, pour

the critic a drink, nobody reads what she writes because no one reads

on podcasts they hear mindless drivel, opinions, dredged from the sewers

give me liberty or give me death, such speech acts, hypocrisy tricks

intelligent ears to believe a militia defends our freedoms

visions of angles shed light, particles scatter, snake oil chieftain leads

embryonic swells to tsunami strength wavelengths, time gathers no moss

under Title IX, how much closer the critic getting the facts straight

pretend the drift shifts to the other shore to catch off-guard the big boss

Humanity bakes in the desert on acid, CIA tempts fate

Obey principles before the military explores new kingdoms

Pray the President, a charlatan in disguise, doesn't make a speech

Enter the graveyard of rhetoric, orators delight in false HOPE

with stains in my eyes, no longer without blemish, only my deep eye

answers the question politicians fail to ask, Dark Hype overreach

not the government, the systems of capital guarantee pure greed

never hurt a fly, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates offer you no dope

ask gray-haired snake oil salesman Slick Willy Barack if HOPE is a lie

BELIEVE in false HOPE, eight years, administration, failure to achieve

exit the White House, gray-haired, Waiting for Godot, our Apollo Creed

try to understand, I might imagine a land of milk and honey

remember to laugh at the pantomime of trite rhetoric we learn

yesterday, as kids, indoctrinated in lies, who earns the money

hype the capital with government overreach, the money we burn

as old currency, print bills hard to counterfeit, in Trust we BELIEVE

remember to laugh at atheists who BELIEVE not in God but truth

demonic Christians cast aspersions with false HOPE, cast stones as beliefs

bind true opinions found in the Bible as facts, buy me a podcast

ingenious white glove masterminds prove criminals ignorant as proof

gin tastes far better than bottom shelf tequila, still, keep your hands clean

welcome the white glove masterminds who steal nothing from as bas-reliefs

in sculpture offer virtual reality for cold stones outlast

guarantees of HOPE, BELIEVE Dark Hype Capital, bullshit artists paint

portraits of big shots, fat cats, and politicians, the fuse remains green

only Lucas owns the Force, stolen from old films, Welsh poets stay drunk

lift whisky glasses to toast the pickled, dead bard, but reading glasses

indeed crush lenses with Spinoza the outcast, the elephant trunk

trumpets a new age of trumpery, of no use to inane asses

indeed, asinine, with long donkey ears who bray while meat skewers taint

clarity of mind, only my deep eye observes the world in the dark

inside my mind cave, I, unlike Asterion, find truth as my guide

art of the blind eye, the prehistoric poet, captures with a spark

not the present strife, not centuries of false HOPE, but the suicide

selfless monks offer in their self-immolation, protests against hate

bride after bride walks down the aisle without false HOPE, to shed all false pride

objects correlate academic statistics, the truth against fate

reason proves her point, walks away from arguments, she opens the door

exit by trap door, hidden underneath the floor, only God is great