At twenty, I nearly join the Marines, a life-changing decision drops
the ball through the floorboards, rolls the dice before God, a choice cast years before
Twenty lacks in hindsight, the future wide open, rivers full of regret
whitewater rapids flow downstream with violence, my mind absorbs the past
even if I could see with perfect vision, time grips my consciousness hard
nothing rhymes with orange, an angel with gold wings speaks of daimonion
to meet Czesław Miłosz later on in college, this would not have happened
yet, I made my straw bed, burned down the barn, the ass at the gate spoke wisely
I am not who I am, a manifestation of arbitrary acts
Necessity chooses the shortest path, two points, a straightedge measurement
enter the stream but once not twice, not even once, the stream is within time
after philosophy, I studied languages to keep up my interests
relativity hangs in the balance, the scales tip still misunderstood
light travels within light, the whole universe is neither darkness nor light
yet, the confluence lets me see my mistakes pass as if in a vacuum
Jostle the deck, shuffle the cards, a pack without jokers at fifty-two
obliged to look forwards and backwards like Janus, I appear two-faced, no
in mythology, words create fantastical explanations, the real
nothing besides science clears the path with logic, deductive machete
transcends old growth jungles, cuts away the excess, clears a path to follow
however much I try, no one ever helps me learn how to navigate
even if my full name is Portuguese, the stars gleam without a sextant
Maybe if I had joined the Marines at twenty, things would be so different
at fifty-two, no joke, opportunity dies, the deaf can't hear a knock
reality sets in, retirement a dream, running my only hope
infamous for being famous for nothing, folks find me in emptiness
nope, I did not listen to my father's advice but followed my own goals
emptiness is tranquil, does not murder or maim, does not choose war or death
still, to this day, pivot, I regret decisions shaped by environment
As it goes, I live life not as a casualty, sad but true, of forces
Life goes on until death, the struggle to survive, to find love and meaning
in this world of chaos, of random events, chance plays a role, accidents
forecast a hurricane, a tornado, forest fires, landslides, avalanche
enter this century, dystopia written as a fairytale, yikes
challenges overcome the butterfly beating her wings in Tokyo
how much metaphysics can I swallow before I vomit up the real
arguments I engage with laughter, holding cards, upper hand, four aces
nothing perturbs my mind for long, meditation is not full of regrets
gathering the forces to overcome the drought of my financial life
income is not outcome, is not output, but faith requires brilliant corners
nothing seen, nothing heard, the other side of space, hidden within darkness
granted this gift called life, I take what I'm given and reshape the whole world
Decisive machete cuts away with logic the dross of the jungle
enter into debates with infantile morons, the game is one-sided
change the world, flip the room inside my head, my mind embraces emptiness
in time, people may read these verses for insight, how not to kill the self
still, the mirror reflects the mind in words and deeds, speech acts reflect the mind
in language, games appear, vindictive, sometimes cruel, I regret my childhood
of course, I made mistakes, I hurt people with words, in my actions and deeds
nothing can take away the pain of suffering, this sorrow and regret
Death deals a blow to all who listen to the wind, a change is gonna come
reality reflects humanity as art, a short-lived expression
ontological time exists within being itself, within the mind
pressure to perform well, to succeed, to win gold, ephemeral claptrap
silence within the sun portends the true omens within our own deathfugue
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