How could I not see way back then what I know now to be the truth?
Of course, at thirteen, I found drugs to escape my family problems.
What I didn't know then was that I was not the root cause to blame.
Different how confidence is earned in solitude running long miles.
If I knew then what I know now, I could have been someone worthwhile.
Forget about how I still feel fucked up from all the drugs and lies.
Forget about how I still feel like a pariah, a scapegoat.
Even if I could change the past, my own actions, I wouldn't know.
Really, they fucked me up real good, my mom and dad and my brother.
Even if I could change the past, my own actions, they wouldn't know.
No one sees the difference that passed if I took an alternate route.
To say experience is all we know of ourselves and others...
Maybe I'm wrong, but love is love and without it nobody grows.
Yes, I remember food, clothing and shelter but also the hate.
Living with an alcoholic who can't love themselves or others...
In this world, this imperfect world, everything's perfect as it is.
Forget about how I still feel like a little kid, a small boy.
Even if I could change the past, my own actions, no one would know.
Wicked the secret of evil is simply to neglect others.
Old grudges, I bear like Atlas or Sisyphus until time ends.
Unless I could let go of pain, suffering, sorrow and despair.
Life would have been worthwhile, I would have been someone worthwhile to know.
Different versions of this one life, eternal return of the same.
How two concepts kept me alive, kept me then from killing myself.
As a philosopher of words, concepts become questionable.
Versions of myself already come and gone within Saṃsāra.
Even if I could change the past, my own actions, karma would know.
Basically, I was fucked since birth, better than some, worse than others.
Ever since I woke up and saw my life clearly, I understood.
Even these ancient, twisted roots are beautiful in a strange way.
Nothing is impossible, but change is easier as a kid.
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