Sunday, May 26, 2024

Accountability ~ Sunday, May 26, 2024

Do I know what I did wrong in this life?
of course, I know. I was born in Bombay

I deserved what I got that came my way

kisses in return for hugs from Janet
now the genetic alcoholism
of course, forced my defense mechanisms
when I needed to act out, show the world

welcome to love: torture and violence
how corporal punishment works in turn
ask me if I understood as a child
this life of purgatory is pure hell

I had a brother who hated himself

does this explain why he tortured a child
if the fact, he was a child, too, allows
distant events never to surface, sure

welcome to karma: unproven concept
realize how control acts in this world
of course, speculation has no answers
nothing but emptiness as a null set
given, is it too late to start again?

it is absurd to imagine freedom
not that it is impossible but how

that I recreate my autonomy
how to rise above past events, let go
invest in the future, begin again
suffering and sorrow is all I know

lift the veil, all I want now is to die
if I could do whatever I would like
for instance, learn to ride a motorbike
even that seems a dream, wishful thinking

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