Dropping acid to trip
from astral plane to port
harbor during high school
Remember Disneyland
burning lights all aflame
eyes dilate Mickey Mouse
On postcards I borrow
indefinitely take
the fifth commandment steal
Precisely when I know
not what property means
no one cared it was cool
Presently I look back
on those days with the band
without regrets so high
I never knew myself
hidden beneath the pain
of family dysfunction
Not until I began
to see why my dad drank
alcohol to enjoy
Getting drunk with his friends
I learned to emulate
my old man and his spouse
Drunk with friends in the park
in summer in winter
made the world feel less real
Even feeling less pain
less trauma in childhood
made me forget the hate
Generated by speech
and open violence
made me wish I could fly
Runaway from family
from friends even high school
to meet at the junction
Entertaining dances
with death the suicide
of a friend made me coy
Even to imagine
I could take my own life
so I read books instead
Zero interest in love
money babies family
until I turned thirty
Even then my awkward
social stigma shyness
kept women off the slate
Real love came at forty
after a rough divorce
with nothing from the bed
Only twelve years later
do I see how my sense
of worth was soiled dirty
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