Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Bhavacakra ~ Wednesday, 18 July 2018

In the prime of my life I went completely mad
no one could help me find a way out of the pain

Time unravels tangles with persistent effort
however much the drugs in high school affected
each little shift of mind towards the great unknown

Parents cause more damage by their willful neglect
remembering childhood rarely involves the fun
intense moments burned deep into my lost psyche
maybe I cannot hold myself to full account
even when I don't blame my parents for neglect

Of course education and genetic background
find no one left to blame except choices I made

Mistakes held against me well into adulthood
you see the criminal who chose life over crime

Left with my sadistic brother and my childhood
indeed could have been worse if I were an orphan
found alone in a crib without a single touch
every moment a challenge even simply walking

I try not to complain but here I am again

Weak with stupidity a fool among misfits
enter school smart but shy a son of immigrants
nobody knew my dad was an alcoholic
to face this as a child may have made my choices

Concerning acting out stealing cash lighting fires
ordinary kid stuff instead of lifelong wrongs
murderers atone for for lighter punishment
punish children victims but not perpetrators
left inside to mete out their own harsh punishments
exercise parental rights in the seventies
to control their children corporal punishment
even sadistic threats to cut off either hand
left me as a young man too young to runaway
yet I tried at least twice to flee insanity

Madness is contagious in an environment
asking too much to fit in to society
damned if I ever choose to live this life again

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