How can my sorrow be any greater or less than your own awareness
of pain and loss, sorrow is not weighed on a scale to measure suffering,
weight loss may indicate a trauma neglected, unattended, sublime,
cover my face with soot, with ashes from the urns, my father and my friends,
ancestors whom I meet in dreams speak languages I do not understand,
nothing but gibberish, the mind can't make this up, of course, I understand,
my sorrow is my own to suffer in silence, I do not speak these words,
yes, I stand before you reading these very words but I do not exist,
suffer this life, this mind, this ego, this devil on my shoulder, angels
on high watch over me, although I am no saint, I, myself, am fallen,
remember this sorrow, never again return to this life to suffer,
remember I exist here and now before you, reading these very words,
only I cannot help myself and I cannot suffer any longer,
wisdom is of no help, I stand here before you and wait for death to come,
blessings be to you all, to your family and friends, burdened am I so long,
eternal hell is not long enough to suffer this sorrow in silence,
ashes, we all fall down, a plague on your houses, blessings unto this world,
nothing, no one, no more, nobody can help me, I have witnessed this much,
yes, I stand before you reading these very words but I am no longer,
greet the sun and the moon with equal affection, father, mother, brother,
reason cannot relate the pain of my trauma, these very words I read
express a memory, a sensation of pain so deep, the roots cannot
advance, they turn inwards to grow inside themselves, they can no longer reach
to touch another touch, they feel only the pain of existing too long,
even I know the end must come, but when, how do I prepare for this death,
rest does not comfort me, I sleep but dream the dreams only the dead can dream,
only the dead can feel my pain, know my sorrow, I suffer this trauma,
remember as a child, I, too, once was happy, but grew aware of love,
leave me here on this stage, reading these very words, standing in my silence,
enter the world of light at birth to realize the darkness feeds on light,
suffer in my silence, on this stage before you, I read these very words,
sorrow cannot measure the weight of an anchor, the pull towards the depths,
take a moment to breathe, breathe in, breathe out, inspire, expire, this is my life,
how can I remain here, waiting for death to come, nothing more can help me,
after this life, my death, what will happen, ashes, cover my face in dust,
nothing more to wonder, to ponder in this world, this life abolishes,
yes, abolishes life, this country eats my soul, eternal hell awaits,
only, I no longer exist, I extinguish the flame of life and death,
understand my sorrow, my suffering, this life, I stand here before you,
reading these very words, but do they mean to say anything to your bones,
only if you rattle within, your bones quiver and shake at the horror,
wonder what these words mean, what they cannot express, you lack experience,
not of the external, no, but of looking in, seeing the pain within,
aware that this one life is yours and only yours to decide and to choose,
wait too long to accept the challenge life offers and your body grows old,
answer this one challenge with a response in youth, your conscience knows the truth,
remember you cannot forget the pain within, deep inside growing bones,
eternal hell, even eternal salvation mean nothing to this life,
nothing but suffering can unleash the sorrow from shackles and prison,
enter the world of light to counter the darkness that feeds upon the light,
suffer me to stand here before you as I read these words, these very words,
silence cannot speak loud enough to end sorrow deep in your marrow.
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