The stumbling blocks in my life were huge, outrageous,
how to be lucrative when the system appears
ever ready to crush my life like a rodent,
studies in wisdom, truth, we call philosophy,
to be honest cannot be taught, the hard lessons,
understanding, rely on letting go, spirit
minds the mind better than my own defective mind,
blinded by fame, the chance to be someone well-known
left me after my band broke up, my first let down
in the rat race Southern California lifestyle,
nothing but pain, my mind slipping into madness,
gracelessly as a duck who wants to be a swan,
blinded by my own mind not seeing its nature,
left in an asylum, I did not belong here,
only my wits taught me to trust my gut, no one
counts, since no one can help, they leave me dependent,
kiss my family goodbye, I was their whipping boy,
sadists, alcoholics, this is how I found help,
in this nightmare world, cash money makes poverty,
noted for suffering, as a starving artist,
my lack of finances reveals my solvency,
yesterday, my credit was worth not even salt,
little do the experts help without a cash flow,
income, savings, nest egg, the future built on bricks,
for sands in the hourglass slipped through my hands, water
endlessly strong as time endures as tsunami,
waiting for the moment my luck would change, fortune
eventually relents, my delusion erodes
real life values, family, friendship, business, success,
even failure wanted nothing to do with me,
haunted by my mistakes, I could not move forward,
under the weight, I pushed each boulder up the hill,
gently they roll back down, crashing at the bottom,
each day, I became like Sisyphus, a Titan,
overwhelmed by a past, by actions with my friends,
under the skies of war, I survived a loser,
troubled by my choices, accountability,
really, nothing would change, I remain as I am,
a man without future, a man tied to his past,
generally, the same fate for all human beings,
eventually, I learn to accept my mistakes,
only being born was not something that I chose,
under my assumed role, character decides fate,
still, I can't help but feel let down by my choices.
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