Reconciliation may not call together a council to forgive,
eventually we must address a bonafide committee in good faith,
councils and committees may help deal with harms done but some still carry swords,
only a firm handshake is meant to show that peace is found in a deep bow,
noble spirits forgive not to forget, forgive to remember and heal,
confront the past to look clearly at the harm done, to let go of the pain,
if perpetrators do not ask for forgiveness, how do we still forgive,
let go of the trauma, let go of suffering, let go of my sorrow,
if I do not forgive, I continue to hurt, to suffer, to feel pain,
after so many years, still the trauma remains, I have not pulled the roots,
trauma resists healing, trauma seeks sweet revenge, trauma seeks out vengeance,
if I do not forgive, if I hold onto pain, I always bear a grudge,
only my forgiveness of wrongs done, of harm done can allow me to heal,
now the wounds of childhood, the never forgotten past can repeat no more,
maybe I live a lie, caught in my deception, deceived to accept love,
as love of my childhood, of who I have become, is to accept myself,
yes, accept my own role as a child whose mistakes were beyond forgiveness,
never has my family, Catholic and Christian, offered their forgiveness,
only it is for me to ask and to offer the peace of forgiveness,
trauma remains rooted in my heart, much too deep to forget the neglect,
cursed within this lifetime, my karma, my actions, as a child or adult,
animosity asks to fuel the fire higher and higher, a bonfire,
laugh if you remember my pyromaniac childhood need to act out,
laugh if you know I stole from my own mother's purse to play video games,
the wicked child does not realize wickedness remains in the conscience,
only if I could find no fault in my actions and no judgment to find
genetic behaviors as predispositions, without judgment or fault,
enter paradise lost, life in Huntington Beach, behind our atrium,
the entryway to hell, my own personal hell, as a child with parents,
happy are they who hope, who have not forgotten how to hope for the best,
enter my life, a child with alcoholism to face as an adult,
remember my parents, the alcoholics choose to control their drinking,
alcoholics do not care about the harm done to children, the trauma,
cause and effect process the world by DNA, if you have faulty genes,
only God can forgive what He once created, as God is my council,
understand, I do not believe in God as you choose freely to believe,
no, I must imagine a spiritual being beyond comprehension,
create my own idea of God, to ask for love, forgiveness, to let go,
if I could undo past mistakes, I would no more be who I have become,
let go of my ego, let go of mistakes made, made over and over,
take a moment to breathe, to meditate on pain, sorrow and suffering,
only the past offers to forgive the living and the dead, the future
forgives the present, past and future without trial, without condemnation,
only the present knows the pain of my trauma, to let go of the past,
remember my mistakes, I did not know better once I slid down the slope,
grant me the chance to start over, to let bygones be bygones, the past past,
if I could learn to love without condemnation, without judgment or trial,
vengeance would truly be mine to resolve, my heart and soul covered over,
eventually, either I forgive or I die, I must atone this life.
No comments:
Post a Comment