How can I convey the visceral pain
of being too old to return but still
when I remember my childhood, it stabs
cuts me through listening to a song, strain
as I must to get through it to the end
now I feel I no longer have a will
I am now wary and now must keep tabs
cornered by my experience, I cry
only the tears never tumble, I bend
not from the hips but at the knees to pick
visions, as I imagine, off the floor
exactly when did I become this sick
yesterday, decades ago, shut the door
touch my palms to the ground, how I must try
help me, sweet Jesus, I am a sinner
each day, I dig my grave for no reason
victim of persona, the mask of loss
invent a tool to sit and make dinner
suck in each breath full of sorrow, I drown
cutting garlic, onions, bad faith, treason
experience in lies, thoughts stolen, toss
reason out the window, logic is a lack
attention to detail, I wear a crown
lightly cocked at an angle, no angel
present in appearance but a donkey
as it brays, I remember my pain pill
if to see no evil, the first monkey
needlessly gouged his eyes, all is black
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