After my father died my beard grew white
Not overnight mind you but several years
Later as if a cloud white as sheep's wool
Descended on my face a hoary skein
The hair atop my head remains black still
Waiting for my mother to pass away
Since we no longer talk I only wait
For my hair to turn grey then I will know
When I was a young man I lived in fear
And trepidation love never entered
My heart towards parents I never knew
We were so different from each other
Still I was a product of their beliefs
But constant rebellion wore down their faith
In my heart I gave up the Church and God
Walked away and moved north to Chicago
My parents had moved back after a spell
In Memphis Tennessee back to the coast
To their home in Southern California
Then dad died my brother showed his contempt
For my lack of success unlike himself
Total fucking asshole a stockbroker
Turned financier rich beyond belief
Acts as if he made it without support
But my parents backed him like a groomed horse
They threw me to the wolves to sink or swim
Without emotional support people
Generally don't do as well as some
Like minds stick together once my father
Died the glue that bonded our family
Disintegrated years pass my remorse
Rests solely in the fact I ran away
Twice as a teenager although the law
Sides with the parents I now regret
I did not give them up before dad died
If I joined the Marines back in the day
After I turned twenty as I once tried
So many years ago but decided
Against it as my mind was frail and weak
Before I went insane all would be good
The scapegoat the black sheep in families
May not fit in so well but a shaman
A poet an artist speaks truth to lies
Money doesn't matter only the real
The force behind actions invisible
Without name or title ineffable
Neither random nor chance call it karma
Call it fate call it life as I so choose
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