Algebra my first love
taught me I didn't need
pen and paper to think
Brilliant but nobody
noticed until I fell
straight down the rabbit hole
Acid trips baked my brain
until I slowly went
insane when I got clean
Calculus the first sign
I was losing my mind
pushing me to the brink
Under circumstances
well beyond my control
I was hooked like a fish
Swimming inside my mind
like in a murky pond
the Buddha swished its tail
--
Bright enough to catch sight
of the meaning of life
but not why we create
Reality from pain
suffering disease death
I searched within my soul
Ageless as time itself
I awoke in the pond
with the fish an undine
How a water spirit
entered my restless brain
as the first avatar
Matsya the fish god
decades later I see
my heart its deepest wish
At that age my parents
thought me mad drug-addled
their son who could not fail
--
Crushed by the hand of God
squeezed hard until I burst
watch my ego deflate
How I survived childhood
with an alcoholic
father his wily games
Abandoned to the hell
of hungry ghosts my mind
found meaning in language
Kill the Buddha outside
of mind outside the pond
the fish from Zanzibar
Rules the Black Coast swishing
its tail to swim inside
the pool of mind it aims
Arrow after arrow
at its target with grace
to gain an advantage
--
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