"What do I want? A wish upon a star..."
What do you want, my therapist asks me,
how do I say I want my childhood back,
ask and you shall receive, she says to me,
to quote Matthew to a lapsed Catholic...
did I just ask for Heaven to open,
or for manna to rain down from the sky?
I want to fight those who hurt a small child,
wish upon a star, the first star you see,
anger and rage beaten into a boy,
nothing removes the memories, the scars,
to this day, I cannot find peace, this life...
A child wants attention and love, but God...
would that I knew what God wanted from me,
if I run alone, spit and curse, the pain
shimmies like monkeys down my spine, I feel
horrible, but I know it's good for me,
until I find solace for my sorrow,
pain, discomfort, and dissatisfaction,
only these truths bear the mark of wisdom,
nothing will release me from this burden,
ask, it will be given; seek, you will find,
still, these words perturb me, I am so lost,
the stars shimmer and laugh at my dismay,
as an adult, I am broken, to find
restoration would be my redemption.
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