Notes from Underground ~ Sunday, February 19, 2023

Because I worried, I did not follow my guts and I fell apart

Every person thinks, decides, judges and opines within an instant

Creation happens every moment, restructured, when I did not choose

As my chosen field to enlist with the Marines, at the line to start

Until my cold feet and big mouth got in my way, thanks hubris and pride

Sinister forces, deep inside my character, tell me what I can't

Engage in because I am a sensitive man, how I choose to lose

I play keep away with a fútbol on the pitch but I am no one

Worthless, as my peers well know, I'm a lucky man who could not decide

Or, go with the flow; win, place, or show. I don't know how to glow, firefly

Remember, Summer? You were too cute for this brute. I was shy and dumb

Rest assured, I speak at length now and bore women to death, it's no lie

If I were but mute, couldn't talk, I would be cute, old man, what a bum

Even idiots write better verse than this dolt. I've become no fun

Demonic, I wish. I have no super powers, a hero to none

I am a dull man. I am a dim, old light bulb. I am a dark star

Despondent, this life without children, without hope, I've no one to blame

Including myself, as I have little control to change, get things done

Depression affects my ability to ask for help, my desire

Nay, my intention to create a foundation will never go far

Old man wants to help, to give poverty-stricken people, hope, not shame

Troubled since childhood, I acted out all the time, cried for help, the belt

Felt good, I was bad. I deserved what I received, a bad boy set fire

Or was with a friend, I tried to put out the blaze, the firemen came

Left for the police to put us both in a cell, two other friends ran

Little did I know the beating I would receive, a picture to frame

Objections aside, food, clothing, shelter, no love, as a broken man

Wonders never cease, everything is beautiful, except what I felt

Maybe you read this poem to understand life, how a man could sink

Yellow, down below, down in a hole, in a well, how did I descend

Given the gifted, talented education program of my past

Understand me not, I am a cipher, zero, a paradox, blink

To think, I am gone, achieved nothing with this mind, blind, not blind, can see

Simply everything, I realized how God's mind would appear, ascend

As if man could know how space-time functions in mind, how fishermen cast

Nets within the sea, then wait to pull out their catch, disciples of Christ

Disciples of God, atheists read the Bible, I believe in qi

I threw off the yoke of Catholic oppression, five hundred years, tears

Fears of being harmed, life and property, believe what you want, I left

Even felt bereft of meaning within this world, such was their grip, years

Lost to instruction, Indoctrination, accept the warp and the weft

Loosen the textile weave, the tapestry woven, the Fates sacrificed

As mythology gave way to the battle sword of religion, faith

Plays a role, unknown, imperceptible to mind, to worship a wraith

Articles of faith, auto-da-fé, heretic beware, you will burn

Remember God's love is not man's grasp for power, will I never learn

To throw off the yoke requires an empty mind, pure, the real, one eighth

Will You Be My Valentine? ~ Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Work becomes routine, making money, second job, third job, side hustle

In the end, to live, the end justifies the means, we work for money

Life gets hard with stress, some people will do strange things to make a living

Leave their own families for extended periods of time, the bustle

Yet, the bonds of love stay strong in the face of work and earning a buck

Only once a year do adults act like children, plans to make honey

Understand others suffer the horrors of love, the unforgiving

Brutality passed down from father to his sons, how they treat women

Each person decides to accept or to reject this right way to fuck

Maybe violence is okay if no one talks, no one trusts, nor feels

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend who was attacked and kicked in the back

Violence persists in the minds of certain men who kick up their heels

And strike women down with impunity, blameless of such an attack

Lend me your good ear to hear, you don't want to hear, taste of persimmon

Each man makes a choice, to act this way or not, choose or act out in kind

No one enjoys blood, bruises, broken bones, their lives destroyed in minutes

Take a look within as conscience shines a bright light in the cave of screams

If you read these words, the choir rarely does harm, a kick in the guts

No man worth his salt acts this way but yes, they do, not just in their dreams

Even online games, "Will you be my Valentine?" Make certain men blind

Vexed Dislocation ~ Monday, February 13, 2023

What I really love is belief in the process that we get better

How and when or why nobody knows for certain; then, it just happens

Ask me no questions, I may never get back home but I continue

To play with logic to make sense of the absurd as a go-getter

I get lost at times, I lose my way from the goal but then I return

Remember I've but no responsibilities except to dragons

Except they exist in our imagination not in the sinew

As a metaphor, the universe as body, the speculative

Let me return home, a home I have never been as I cannot learn

Let alone enjoy anything in this country for my privation

Yet deprivation others suffer equally so what is the point

Love is all, they say and in this I am lucky but explanation

Of course, lets reason guide a soul without passion, is time out of joint

Vexed dislocation, I used to play drums, a dream now vegetative

Eclipse sun and moon, the poets don't use these words as sentimental

Informed by naive standards of debased writing, the criterion

Structured by a break, always a break, with the past, continuity

Banished to exile, like me in America, this occidental

Episode lacks hope, as a drummer, a poet, or an old runner

Leave him well alone, he has issues or demons, Old Hyperion

If to die in youth is a blessing for no one, perspicuity

Ends the big picture as an unnecessary addition to thought

Focus on the good, the beautiful, and the true, as a tail gunner

It would be easy to face death each time I flew, I am not to blame

No one is to blame but consequences entail, enfold the curtains

Take consolation in the eternal return of the same, my shame

Haunted by ideas of the Afterlife, stupid theories as gardens

Each philosopher with her hard-won PhD, her soul, sold and bought

Process offers depth to a world of surfaces, a textual weave

Remember my birth in a city far away, not unlike my friend

Only she was born in Japan, it means little, not in her background

Country of birthright, completely arbitrary, nothing up my sleeve

Except a rabbit inside a velvet top hat, magician, no thanks

Simply no career, dead-end jobs, no confidence, money as an end

Success or failure, depends on your perspective, I'm healthy and sound

Trust superstition to knock on wood, not speak thoughts aloud for gods' ears

How it seems a mess, total loss in readership, does my gun shoot blanks

Ask me no questions, I ask myself too many, at a loss for words

Trust me, I give up, what's the point of going on, no one cares to read

Wicked as a child, I acted out to events, these ancient potsherds

Enter dysfunction, the child, a moth in a web, spider spins to bleed

Guarantees exist not for biological families, sustain tears

Even a worse word the poets will not accept, sentimental schlock

Track geographic, I stay away from toxic people, thus few friends

Better to explore, live with a purpose, even if it's just a sham

Enter my sorrow, a lifetime of suffering, time becomes a clock

Transform the bitter into sweet kindness and joy, don't make me vomit

Truculent and fierce, I accept the bad and worse, justify the ends

Elicit the means as process to make better, the ghost of the clam

Remember the wounds eventually heal, the scars, bees in my bonnet

Death to Robert Frost, Pull the Wool Over Your Eyes, Silly Gibberish ~ Sunday, February 12, 2023

No, don't let them know, move on, let them wonder why you just couldn't stay

on another day, they aren't worth your time, your time is invaluable

decide on yourself, bet on yourself and win big, just because you can

only, they'll call back, they need to know, it's your life, make them earn your say

not only your words but your energy, priceless, don't give it away

tackle the next job with as much gusto, or not, you're responsible

least of all for words of explanation, let go, shit can hit the fan

even this is not your problem, you have choices to make and money

to save for later, your nest egg, like a Sparrow, messy but okay

ten percent or more each paycheck in a savings account, let it sit

how the Buddha sits, patiently, maturation takes decades not years

entertain ideas of interest, places to see and people to meet

meet outside the job, for fun, whatever that means, did you forget, tears

kiss each cheek with hugs, little rivers, streams on fire, it's just not funny

nope, nothing to show for years, nay, decades of work, the plan to get out

of the old rat race, with Hemingway's solution, or a different route

what the future holds, uncertainty for certain, speculate, a risk

money is the truth, what is the criterion, give the girl a shout

only she knows pain, suffering grounds our sorrows, the bottle opens

vengeance with each glass, move on, let the bottle be for others, no clout

earned downing Bourbon, unless your distillery is called 'Basilisk'

or you're the owner, but not the whole bottle, taste, move on, let it go

nothing ever came of habitual drug use, watch your cocks and hens

lose yourself in time, you'll forget why you came here, where are my glasses

eat up all the food only to run all the miles, no, you can't sit still

to count breaths, or steps, amounts to the same thing, breathe, no one makes passes

today, tomorrow, ever again, an old man, if you pay the bill

humans disregard your presence, a good thing, too, you've nothing to show

entertain children as a clown, a magician, a doctor, a nurse

maybe you don't care about the rest of the world, that's okay, you know

wonder about time, instantaneous chaos, only one moment

only one event, simultaneous time-line, all events, a curse

no such thing as time, imagine linear scales, meaningless drivel

decide to study philosophy for a change, you thought long ago

everything occurs in the blink of an eye, poof, time becomes unspent

remember childhood memories filled with trauma, how the mind plays tricks

what and where is mind, is it the brain, the body, or both, to shrivel

how a cicada, in Greek myths, lives forever, cursed by a lover

yes, love's not perfect, get over it, Valentine, you, too, will die soon

yes, this, too, is good, never to live forever, a conceit, Grover

oh, to disappear, but seriously, where to, a hot-air balloon

under the night sky, until Trudeau shoots you down, nowhere, with these pricks

just in time, Justin, the government is yours now, hold your head up high

under government, idiots will protect you from nothing worthwhile

still, nowhere to go, everyone mimics the same, monkeys in a tree

trade in your pension for a lovely plot, your grave, you won't ever die

called your bluff, taxes, every year with no loopholes, you're not rich enough

okay, die lonely, or in love, somebody hurts, leave a lovely smile

until portraiture, no longer so serious, let people be free

let people be free, not in the Constitution, no, we are all slaves

decide to be free, think whatever thoughts you choose, ball lands in the rough

now, you laugh out loud, you're in love with life itself, let go and move on

tragedies happen, to think you were once a pawn, now, you own nothing

such is life, let go, money comes and money goes, the billionaire con

to make you believe it's the only thing worthwhile, money has no spring

as locks and tumblers seal the vaults inside the bank, money comes in waves

yes, don't let them know, move on, let them wonder why you just couldn't stay

Allahu Akbar ~ Thursday, February 9, 2023

Time to give up HOPE, wanna-be, try-hard, big wig politicians bore

immaculate holes through my retinae with sharp, shish kebab skewers

mission accomplished, eyes impaled by medical-grade metal meat sticks

enormous applause from their life-long retinue, a job well done, pour

the critic a drink, nobody reads what she writes because no one reads

on podcasts they hear mindless drivel, opinions, dredged from the sewers

give me liberty or give me death, such speech acts, hypocrisy tricks

intelligent ears to believe a militia defends our freedoms

visions of angles shed light, particles scatter, snake oil chieftain leads

embryonic swells to tsunami strength wavelengths, time gathers no moss

under Title IX, how much closer the critic getting the facts straight

pretend the drift shifts to the other shore to catch off-guard the big boss

Humanity bakes in the desert on acid, CIA tempts fate

Obey principles before the military explores new kingdoms

Pray the President, a charlatan in disguise, doesn't make a speech

Enter the graveyard of rhetoric, orators delight in false HOPE

with stains in my eyes, no longer without blemish, only my deep eye

answers the question politicians fail to ask, Dark Hype overreach

not the government, the systems of capital guarantee pure greed

never hurt a fly, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates offer you no dope

ask gray-haired snake oil salesman Slick Willy Barack if HOPE is a lie

BELIEVE in false HOPE, eight years, administration, failure to achieve

exit the White House, gray-haired, Waiting for Godot, our Apollo Creed

try to understand, I might imagine a land of milk and honey

remember to laugh at the pantomime of trite rhetoric we learn

yesterday, as kids, indoctrinated in lies, who earns the money

hype the capital with government overreach, the money we burn

as old currency, print bills hard to counterfeit, in Trust we BELIEVE

remember to laugh at atheists who BELIEVE not in God but truth

demonic Christians cast aspersions with false HOPE, cast stones as beliefs

bind true opinions found in the Bible as facts, buy me a podcast

ingenious white glove masterminds prove criminals ignorant as proof

gin tastes far better than bottom shelf tequila, still, keep your hands clean

welcome the white glove masterminds who steal nothing from as bas-reliefs

in sculpture offer virtual reality for cold stones outlast

guarantees of HOPE, BELIEVE Dark Hype Capital, bullshit artists paint

portraits of big shots, fat cats, and politicians, the fuse remains green

only Lucas owns the Force, stolen from old films, Welsh poets stay drunk

lift whisky glasses to toast the pickled, dead bard, but reading glasses

indeed crush lenses with Spinoza the outcast, the elephant trunk

trumpets a new age of trumpery, of no use to inane asses

indeed, asinine, with long donkey ears who bray while meat skewers taint

clarity of mind, only my deep eye observes the world in the dark

inside my mind cave, I, unlike Asterion, find truth as my guide

art of the blind eye, the prehistoric poet, captures with a spark

not the present strife, not centuries of false HOPE, but the suicide

selfless monks offer in their self-immolation, protests against hate

bride after bride walks down the aisle without false HOPE, to shed all false pride

objects correlate academic statistics, the truth against fate

reason proves her point, walks away from arguments, she opens the door

exit by trap door, hidden underneath the floor, only God is great

Fresh ~ Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Welcome to this life. It could be the Afterlife. We would never know.

How uncertainty allows for the production of values, of sense.

Ask newborn babies, what is the meaning of life. Eat, drink, shit, piss, cry.

Transcend adulthood. The basic necessities. Clothing, shelter, dough.

How is this fresh hell different than heaven on earth? The birth of a child.

Even sound logic can't make conjecture certain, such proof makes gold dense.

Little is certain but the weight of a baby, once made clean and dry.

Look past the magic of this phenomenal world. Grains of sand count time.

Indefinitely, infinitesimal, watch from zero to wild.

Solitudinal. Alone in the universe. Bigger than you think.

Transcend wickedness. Climb the mountain beyond lies, beyond deception.

Haunted by the past. Imagination takes hold. Of an eye, the blink.

Instantly over. No time to play a new game. Before conception.

Suffer the threshold between belief and knowledge. Fresh hell is sublime.

As a Celebration ~ Sunday, January 22, 2023

Nameless Nobody, a name bestowed by critics, took Stary by storm

ancient, decrepit souls lost to infirmity awoke from their beds

made their way to hear this rejuvenating sound, music to their ears

even their bodies straightened, the first time in years, like bees in a swarm

literally, scores of hopeless cases arrived and danced through the night

even the awestruck reviewers were left speechless, this made no sense, heads

spinning, but the old, now, young and virile, grateful, in their eyes, the tears

started to cascade, they could not stop their crying, a flood soaked the floor

Nameless Nobody, an ensemble of handsome demons with a light

orchestral vision observed this occurrence, night after night, the same

blistering events, the blood would begin to flow, in delight, hearts burst

open with such force, piercing the chest cavity, they died strong but lame

deaths of this nature required a clean up crew come to tend to the worst

yet, they didn't care what critics called them, they left smack through the back door

Equanimity ~ Thursday, January 19, 2023

Please explain how mind is not indivisible and yet we share mind

Leave impermanence atop the kitchen counter, cutting board and knife

Each, the uncarved block, and the short sword, or tantō, laid atop of pǔ

Answer this question, why simplicity matters, lightning strikes me blind

Success lacks value if everyone else is poor, homeless and hungry

Elucidate light that shines out of the pitch black darkness of deep strife

Enlightenment seeks clarity, carat weight, cut, and color, say wú

Xenophobic heirs of dharma, Buddha nature? Unfortunate dog

Provides old Zhàozhōu with the bile of Baudelaire, negative, angry

Lessons to learn, not from ascribing to a dog the privilege of 'no'

Answer this question, why privilege the paradox of truth as distinct

Indeed opinions matter not for zen masters, mind, nothing to know

Not emptiness, though, nor impermanence, no-self, suffering, succinct

How a poet writes, point at the moon, voicelessly, the sound of a clog

Of one hand clapping, absurd, meaningless drivel, we lap up such drool

Weened of sense, nonsense, and understanding since birth, mind is but a tool

"I'm Sorry, I Miss You" ~ Tuesday, January 17, 2023

Long gone now, she sleeps in a satin-lined casket, waiting for Jesus

only for a blip on the radar, our friendship disappeared like smoke

not that it matters, at least, maybe, not to her, but what do I know

grass, in the darkness, she told me of her sorrow, belief in grievous

gratuitous harm, she had tried just once before, why me, was it love

only to look back, she was twenty-two years old, tears without a joke

nothing to buffer suffering, even laughter, I sat like a crow

even the darkness could not hide my raven locks, yet, I could not smile

Now, twenty-six years later, and I was five years older, look down from above

of course, now, I laugh, at the idea of heaven, of angels and God

wicked, wicked smile, I know death as the Aztecs ate the beating heart

She was there inside, at home, her car parked outside, I stood like a clod

how, then, could I know that day she would find success, her attempt to part

even now, I cry for her, for myself, for love, stabbed with a nail file

A Prayer for Dark Hype ~ Saturday, January 7, 2023

Dark Hype is her name and disruption is her game, change seeks out the spark

Absolute Zero, the hero of our story, fights not for glory

Resolute, "rent 'paid'", along with the French maid, dressed to impress, recast

Killer in his home, she gets the drop on Zero and, leaves not a mark

Hype is her last name, as Hype Dark is in Hyde Park, she plays Mr. Hyde

Yes, that Mr. Hyde, the bane of Dr. Jekyll, slate from a quarry

Parry and riposte, Absolute Zero worries not that his lost past

Emits the green glow of fireflies burning brightly in the heat of night

Pray for Mr. Hyde, for the movement of Dark Hype and, for the Dark Side

Realize, she waves a feather duster to brush his shade from the gloom

Argue to pardon a criminal of madness, how inane to blame

Yes, a mastermind, of stupidity, to catch a fool in a room

Exiting a safe, with nothing in her bare hands, what could be her game

Dark Hype as practice, training for the one big score, darkness without light

God Bless America ~ Thursday, December 29, 2022

The disenfranchised, deprived of the right to sleep under their own roof

haunted by the past, decisions, both good or bad, that landed them here

entitled to weep in silence among angels, tears of innocence

denied the relief of a second chance, this life without reason, proof

intelligent life does not exist here on earth or the universe

sentient beings feel their way in the darkness, shadows to the mere

enable the harm, given with authority, hurt with no defense

needless suffering, welcome to humanity, trauma and distress

forget to notice the downtrodden on the streets in Black Star Converse

read the newspaper on the train, line the boxes to keep warm at night

autumn approaches, holidays in the city, Thanksgiving gives nought

nothing but sinkholes into poverty as fate, prescribed as a right

caustic prognostic, the future as a design on a Windsor knot

haute couture meets mere, paint the town, little, black dress, throat slashed, I confess

innocence disrobed, runway model on a train, chase me, catch me shoes

shrug your shoulders, meh, another murder downtown, tell me something new

experience speaks, a fortress of solitude, silence, crimson streams

delight in blood sport, hunt in vain the city hind, whoso list to muse

dirty dumpster dive, the search for half-eaten food, simply to survive

enter the freegans, living on the streets by choice, they prefer the view

privilege to act not from responsibility but adventure, dreams

recounted since youth to pretend to be homeless with a bank account

interest compounds down the sinkhole of charity, no investments thrive

visions of beauty, a city reconstructed to consider care

empty of neglect, possibilities persist to raise big questions

dedicated stars allocate funds to reflect where a billionaire

obtains to refrain, penthouse to pavement, cleft hoof, for suggestions

forbidden to meet the cripple in a wheelchair, five piggies to count

tautologies sound the same argument on truth without certainty

honesty robs banks unimpeded by their work, a true inside job

egocentric hands shake, away from prying eyes, over backroom deals

restless molecules break apart under pressure, your kids, certainly

insolent and rude, socially unattractive bulldogs with long jaws

ghosts of parents past gather together in pairs with corn on the cob

held in grubby hands children enter the world breech, bottoms up, time peals

tinkling golden bells, tintinabulation rings four-bells carillon

twinkle the few stars visible with city lights, pollution weaves gauze

obscured by coal dust, charcoal hides the firmament, constellations sleep

sound asleep each star twinkles through the particles, light shields with a dome

light bends, particles bounce back down in refraction, waves watch the stars weep

energy emits a limit to travel past, beyond the sea foam

endless oceans break on the shores of battlefields, en passant, a pawn

profits unaware the consequences, actions unresolved pursue

unencumbered thoughts while the homeless sleep on vents to stay warm, as heat

naturally rises from pipes beneath the pavement, rough sleepers persist

deprived of privilege, the world ignores basic needs, give justice its due

entitled leaders pay no heed what beggars need, capital unkind

remind the wealthy the health of a nation rests asleep on the street

trust politicians to beautify the city,

the wealth, they insist

held tight in pockets, reserved for infrastructure, potholes in the road

employ construction all year round except winter to face the snowblind

infrastructure quakes, rattles, splits apart, tumbles

rumbles the belly, the mayor always the beast, to upset the peace

officer on call, off-duty defends herself, a man who mumbles

who stumbles downstairs, falls atop the officer, who shoots, cannot cease

no footage to see, off-duty officer, armed, silence of a toad

remember to let the seeds fall where they decide, who controls the past

orders the players to direct their own actions as marginal notes

of the book of life, the disenfranchised, to have their say, requires votes

for politicians to notice sorely deprived people, stones to cast

Very Funny! ~ Wednesday, December 28, 2022

The funny thing is...

...and it's not even funny

ha-ha, but a strange

humor, peculiar

to this type of odd person,

queer as an oilsheet

even, a touch, say

"My Melancholy Baby"

by Earl "Fatha" Hines

funny, I should say,

or mention such a sad song,

but we could just change

uninhibited

by social constraints, to talk

about the weather

not as common folk

but meteorologists

listening for a [beat]

neato bandito,

little burrito, I miss

your mouth, the fine lines

yet, not quite crow's feet

since you rarely ever smiled

mean little lady

to say the word 'suck'

sounds queer as a transverse wave

crest to trough, leather

hogs, as in pigskin

wallet, or maybe football,

what they play, here, say

in America,

not 'hearsay', as in a court

of law, I object

not within my scope

of practice, something I learned

just the other day

given I sell shoes

now to old ladies, and young

as well, I detect

in your sarcasm

a hint of... je ne sais quoi

it's a bit shady

say, to discuss, taste

or morality, like this

in a poem, no

and let us not speak

badly of the dead, and gone

off to do better

no, maybe, not that

even, not better, as life

is all we know now

decisively not

better to be in the grave

or ashes, on show

inside of an urn,

we learn, we learn, then we are

dead, this short life, spent

turning over soil

digging his own grave, with pen

in hand, a letter

sent via airmail

who does that anymore now

tip the sacred cow

not a 'shibboleth'

an ear of corn, as a test,

or an ear of wheat

or a stream, torrent

no matter, what does matter

political bent

to speak of ethics

in a poem, or of plums

breach of etiquette

ethics entertains

from the icebox to my mouth

so sweet turns so cold

vengeance, oh my God,

no, no, please share your idea

of God, my ticket

enter the movie

theater, to watch Williams

eat plums, what a bold

nature to subvert

poetry as aesthetics

for a better seat

funny, I should ask

for forgiveness, I pardon you

Amon Göth said

under no legal

obligation, in the film,

allegedly, shot

not with a camera

obscura but a rifle,

dark chamber image

not funny, indeed,

but delicious as wet plums

for breakfast in bed

yet, probably not

eaten but to imagine

conduct as a code

ha-ha, amusing,

as a pantomime, even

comical, a squat

as in broad nib pen,

Seamus wrote of his father,

not quite all the rage

ha-ha, not funny

digging for peat in a bog

at this stage, I wait

another dollar,

another day, the salt mines,

they were my abode

but I jest, to work

as others inside a mine

to dig potatoes

underneath the soil

the scent of fresh earth, of hard flesh,

of ripe fruit, of plums

to boil spaghetti

in a stainless steel stock pot

simmer tomatoes

add salt as needed,

oregano, rosemary,

sage, thyme, to add sums

strange as it may sound

don't forget some fresh basil

as on our first date

taste for savory

flavor, pasta al dente,

add some olive oil

rest for a moment

a long trek through the desert

people need water

angels don't exist

except as messengers cloaked

in spirit, voices

no one remembers

verbatim what they once said

I love your daughter

given your blessings

we will get married in May

Mother's Day, choices

eternally rest

in our previous actions

love comes to a boil

Τιθωνός / Tithonos / Tithonus ~ Sunday, December 25, 2022

Why am I alive, beyond each moment, is there a reason why salt

hovers in my eyes, waiting for pure solitude, to weep in silence

yesterday, I slept until daylight became night, whatever that means

as the hot water splashed my face, nobody knew, sorrow like a bolt

made my face convulse, in private, nobody knew, eyes red with fatigue

I imagine soap or shampoo as my excuse, I have no license

as a man to cry in public but in private, the rain makes no scenes

let flow, unhindered, my tears, fallen but unseen, unheard, unspoken

introverted sun, hidden behind ash gray clouds, lies without intrigue

versions of myself, moment after moment, turn the soil with a spade

even a farmer, with hands, wide as an octave, from back in the day

breaks the chocolate earth, dark, bittersweet, with a hint of terror, stars fade

even the fingers five ward off the evil eye but life is so gray

yesterday, I woke in bed, wishing I were dead, my horse unbroken

only if you knew what I just erased, these words meaningless, mundane

nothing but shadows, the wind blows, the flame flickers, the candle sits still

devotion, a glass votive, a vow as you wish, desire to set fire

every day to wicks, yearn for yarn divine, entwined lovers without stain

an immaculate conception with an angel, the breath of spirit

consider the child, the infant in her cradle, she pants up that hill

how she must struggle against men and boys alike, wood for the pyre

much as I admire a woman of assertion, I affirm no claim

only in union, to join but I am no one, I know not a whit

my self-deception, my self-delusion, myself imaginary

even on the screen, a blip lasts but a moment, the ephemeral

nothing in the sky, not the stars or galaxies, clusters unmerry

turn the universe in eternal emptiness, why this temporal

imaginary, as if I were still alive, this life without aim

search for a purpose to no avail, certainty hides between the cracks

tragedy transcends decades of hopeless torture but when may I die

haunted by the past, by memories that inspire vengeance to be great

except an empty vessel waits like the others to greet what it lacks

remember the past as an elephant knows how the graveyard awaits

even a hunter knows not to kill the harmless except for mince pie

armies of black ants wage war against my sorrow but I embrace fate

remember amor fati, to live this one life, over and over

even the playwright digs beyond the truth, context inscribed on the gates

articles of faith, belief treats hypocrisy to inquisition

set constellations up as orders of systems, enculture the stars

over and over, to eternally return, make a decision

no other choices, to affirm the meaningless or drown behind bars

witness Tithonus, an immortal cicada, no four-leaf clover

how to love the worst and continue to believe in nonsense and lies

yesterday, I died but feed off the gibberish of myths as undead

salt and hot butter, popcorn in the theater, the savory screen

arguments arise inside the lobby, how loud, they distract my dread

left in solitude, in an isolation tank, I start to careen

to list like a ship, seasick, full of helplessness, how I agonize

Secure the Sinecure ~ Tuesday, December 20, 2022

How to flip the room

clear the space of all debris

wipe down surfaces

objects such as chairs

tables rearrange as fit

the space must look neat

wash or disinfect

within the public domain

the sphere of action

totally sweep up

the floor and mop as needed

erase all traces

of former events

to move forward with the night

let go of the past

forget useless facts

only what pertains to now

admit no defeat

let go of the past

work to rise above all loss

work against a redaction

inscribe each moment

with an eye to the future

an ear for footsteps

present the present

as a gift to ungrateful

guests as you may cast

tragedy aside

to embrace lighter aspects

of this comedy

how to flip the room

depends on your character

reflects persona

effect every change

with forethought to history

to feel unsteady

remember your place

your position, your status

catch the corona

over the king's head

as it rolls past the basket

don't flex your biceps

of course, there's no time

to lose, seize the fallen crown

throw it in the fire

melt it down to form

a golden skeleton key

open to aspire

Eureka! ~ Thursday, December 15, 2022

When the tumblers

                                    fall...

      (a safe, like a slot machine),

                  ...into place.

                                          Jackpot!

Hypocrisy Reigns ~ Monday, November 28, 2022

Trauma and distress

can you guess, America

this world you create

Hypocrisy reigns

slavery as capital

values from the start

Endgame as stalemate

fate, manifest destiny

genocide, a name

Declare war, fight for

equal representation

slaves won't deviate

Institute hate crimes

over two centuries late

hypocrisy reigns

Sinister forces

rule the government blindly

consequences hold

Endgame turns again

a civil war of values

skips generations

Nation built on hate

blind to greed based on pure lust

privilege is an art

Foreigners treated

as menial labor force

entitlement shame

Random decisions

perpetuate slavery

captured at stations

Analogs exploit

children, women, for sex work

sex trafficking feigns

Narcissistic love

assaulted, battered, and raped

criminals so bold

Coldness, cruelty

masochism with sadists

locked, behind closed doors

Happiness, a meal

in a box from McDonald's

who gains from these schemes 

Insult, injury

add salt to an open wound

let it bleed, the lies

Salvation nowhere

neither church nor government

trapped under the floors

Endless games of chess

strategy as grand design

the poor lose their dreams

Disenfranchised slums

appear in the big cities

kites share the blue skies

On the Arbitrary ~ Thursday, November 24, 2022

Orient stellar

patterns as constellations

without relation

Notary ponens

certifies validity

as an argument

Throaty red-headed

singer ties up her larynx

nodus tollens knot

Harbor fugitives

abhorrent aberration

active stagnation

Earthborn alien

stranger from the start to all

humankind, we suck

Arbitrary rules

dictate discretion as choice

strength as discernment

Rebirth lower-class

republican legs stillborn

again sans-culottes

Birthrate eighty-eight

constellations, eighty-eight

piano keys, tribe

Irony feels out

hidden intentions, unites

dissemblers' lies, duck

Throaty red-headed

singer wearing a death mask

during her service

Reborn Bezdushnyi 

an archer with no target

guileless with no goal

Arbiter of Christ

Pilate lonely as a cloud

wandered raw, nervous

Retina, optic

nerve, light-sensitive membrane

back wall, hand balls roll

Yearn for decades lost

friends missing or dead

examine, describe

An Ancient Tale ~ Monday, November 21, 2022

My page wanders blind to the flame she hides inside

Arguments arise deep from the darkness of the sea

Given his nature, she guides him through the unknown

Pretend he knows right from wrong, palm from the backside

Inside, the mirror reflects thoughts into actions

Egocentric flux, a luxury, I agree

To say who I am is to show you the unsown

Yes, my page yawns in front of she who guides him

Montgeron questions my principles, distractions

Yes, magpiety, in a word, universals

Popiel and his wife were eaten alive by rats

Ask my page, he reads history at rehearsals

Given to the stage, he tends to wear different hats

Even Ignacy sees shadows within the grim

The Calculus of Incense ~ Monday, November 14, 2022

The difficulty to bear witness, the silence

How war shapes the mind, in the aftermath, mowed down

Elegant to learn the art, the knowledge of change

Decisions were made, to stay in Europe, sixth sense

Incense furiously burns beneath the surface, sleeps

Forget how things work, how people become, thoughts drown

Forget conditions, how intuitions grow strange

Ideology, the patterns for a platform

Calculus reasons about small pebbles, thought leaps

Understanding hides beneath the service, suffer

Lifelong banishment, the others who know too much

Transcend each moment, encounter a shift, buffer

Yet another mind from the facts of such and such

Touch a small pebble, skims over the lake, bees swarm

Overt acts of war, Chamberlain seeks appeasement

Beneath the surface, dissent grasps complacency

Each moment to bear witness in silence, God knows

As to why people act the way they do, easement

Relaxes the laws, reduces the unpleasant

Windows to the past, shadows in their nascency

Intuitions sleep furiously as time grows

Tranquility shifts, the Buddha in each moment

Notices trauma, sorrow, suffering peasant

Each moment to bear witness, to see the unseen

Sorrow comes with much suffering, the silence burns

Silently, incense wafts sweetly, the truth to glean

Touch the small pebble again, only then time learns

How people survive the worst conditions, foment

Each moment to bear witness, to stir up the pot

Silence divides by experiences untold

In unspoken words, the horror remains hidden

Lest we understand, the terror, witness each shot

Each moment, eyes see, ears hear, noses smell incense

No defense, to know, explain how events unfold

Certainty grows dim with memories forbidden

Each moment, silence, as an end to the suspense