Sentenced ~ Thursday, 30 November 2017

Just for today I eat out your liver just like every other weekend under no pretenses should you confuse this act as payment for a debt maybe you think I am Internal Revenue Services making rounds badgering you off-grid here in the high desert no I come as a friend less concerned with taxes than taking a bite out of crime from time to time everyone has a job to do before they die and mine is taking out

miscreants like yourself from our society so you cannot cause harm unless someone hurts you first for that falls under self-defense to offset minimal legal codes to follow we allow you to play within bounds boldly laid out by blood vengeance but as you see you are chained for reasons legally I cannot discuss as I am not your attorney your dime entitles you to one phone call but don't expect a signal hereabouts

forget about escape this prison is your life and yours is full of charm ugly as I appear I am a reflection of our justice system maybe someone will come release you from bondage from this eternal hell be that as it may time time passes much more slowly for your act of treason left us with no recourse other than to hold you in contempt of wisdom every living person knows not to take something that isn't theirs to sell

Drumpfy ~ Monday, 27 November 2017

Just for today I can't be happy your bullshit positive attitude elicits only tears in the face of our own brutal hateful machines since Saint Obama left office over a year ago we still have drones taking the lives of both innocent civilians and murderous yet shrewd elite terror squads trained with CIA tactics taught in Afghanistan reliable sources account for fact-checkers to ward off the red scare 

Leave it to a jester kicked out of Camelot my second time around even a court fool must laugh at his own defeat behind the White House scenes granted at no other times was America great unless you throw stonesat glass houses cracking up windows just to hear the sound of breaking glass classic as example Mr Fix It Reagan whose credit for Iran yelled out from the rooftop overt propaganda whence hypocrites declare 

Current lies in office offer executive subterfuge world renown rich as celebrity billionaire apprentice commander with the keys engaging in Twitter insults with Kim Jong-un forming social contacts debating global war with nuclear weapons and a stick up his ass intelligence is not his strong point but who cares when a cheap vulgar sleeze tasteless with silver spoon makes for comic relief approaching parallax

Entitled ~ Sunday, 26 November 2017

I tend to make you wait before I grant titles upon mere second class dimwitted mortal fools my rules seem simple if you pay attention everything you ever wished for may just appear before your own two eyes never presume your will so great you don't bow down before you kiss my ass time heeds no one's desires so who do you think grants access to the good life I bestow titles earned upon those who follow my rules with retention tragedy follows if you choose to disobey or neglect to act wise yolk in your face on stage in your own theater may reveal your disgrace

Even if your beliefs cannot accept my power I trust your faithful wife never wants to suffer your lack of position poverty and hunger terrible bouts of rage anger despair and fear cannot help a person in your situation to overcome the strife and terror you must face to add insults helps none deal with all the problems you obtain when anger your queen observes first hand I won't abide to watch your position worsen

Superfluous ~ Saturday, 25 November 2017

If this is the meaning of life I'm not surprised as reproductive cells darting in directions without an intention our brief motions decline exactly with our age ourselves remain the same unchanged in our habits not even in a group does a transformation in us cause any bells to ring the equation on each side expresses a chemical balance in no way unequal like an identical proposition defines truth as certainty no one cannot ascertain redundant as rabbits yawning at the chasm between this life and death breeding without a care 

Catastrophes occur yet we appear unchanged chemically imbalanced reason does not allow us to see the tightrope as dangerous unsafe in this instance to cross we must decide to act the disaster below somehow must be dealt with by someone in command who does not feel the chafe involved when a certain pressure is applied with the heat from afterglow seeing the world aflame she must stand a pillar of strength fully aware

☆ Iris ~ Saturday, 25 November 2017

7:13 AM ~ Arlo flips the channels through PBS to see Sewing with Nancy. Remembering the obituary of her he saw yesterday, he exclaims, "She's dead!" But, out loud to himself; since no one else is at home. (Nan staying with her sister Mia at her place for a Prince memorial celebratory event with a woman friend Nan met online). And he imagines the strange possibility that his best friend from childhood, his mom dies at that moment of pancreatic cancer which Arlo had just learned about yesterday. As if someone could be in touch with another person so far away as to know when they die before learning about it from the family announcing her passing themselves. Either way, he's heartbroken to hear of Iris being sick for a year or so. He's not upset with his friend, Judd. He probably had Arlo's best interests at heart. He is an unusually emotional man. But one who is insensitive to the needs of his own family, and may dance upon the metaphorical graves of his parents once his own mother passes away. No need to get sentimental on her account. Too difficult to do so anyways. So sad how perceived abuse skews perceptions in the mind of the abused but not the perception of the abusers.

Juju ~ Friday, 24 November 2017

Identity the key to unlock the deadbolt to my grief-stricken heart damage control opens doors with a fingerprint or a retinal scan enter my domicile it isn't much more than a hovel a pigsty note all the books in piles the mail the dirty clothes waiting for me to start to do laundry or clean the cat litter for weeks on end the endless mess is everywhere and spring cleaning nowhere to be found like a working fan to blow the dust around in the heat of summer a cat calls out his cry yellow plaintive lonely he has no other friends he drives the girls crazy

Unique as a black cat looking for attention off Lake Shore Drive I guess nobody else wanted to care for the hungry stray too skinny to leave in the care of nature outdoors on the beachfront along the Lakefront Trail quick to cross the bike path Little Juju Kitty caught my eye tugged my sleeve unlike other moments when I'm running the path I stopped to catch some tail ecstasy in his eyes as I carried him home he grew fat and lazy

Gratitude ~ Thursday, 23 November 2017

Today I tell myself everything is going to work out for the best however I prepare myself for whatever may come my way the worst ask and you shall receive maybe not what you ask for nothing of the kind nothing is better than a swift kick in the teeth crushed like a bug a pest killing is kinder than disregard to ignore or neglect a person simply destroys their soul dashes their hopes to rise above their ruined state

Gratitude like language as a practice to learn about until you dream in a foreign country speaking a foreign tongue to people who feel cursed viral warfare murders their children who without an antidote will find infidels like yourself a foreign invader a lamb for the slaughter nothing will appease them their children are dying you may find things worsen give it time things will work out for the best even if things don't seem so great

Create your dreams to change the world for everyone for the best designed scheme ruins no one but lifts up their humanity to shine like stars in space even if some believe your structures are not sound build to prove they are wrong damned be the naysayers those hated Philistines they will rape your daughter in front of your own eyes to torture you and leave your family in disgrace truth be told gratitude works for the lucky ones who sing to hear a song

☆ Talaq ~ Wednesday, 22 November 2017

Case closed no discussion to pursue no further inquiry or time spent on investigation on blind speculation on wild accusation mother brother father you threw the book at me no longer will we speak mutual disregard useful as a tactic with letter of intent on creating ground rules to ignore each other and move on with our lives not unlike a divorce your Roman Catholic faith will never condone

never will you accept apologies for past mistakes during childhood only you keep my deeds for future reference after dad's cremation reality shatters the mirror of denial removing the mystique made apparent by loss the death of the family patriarch leaves a hole a vacuum to abhor nature consolidate power in separate hives life with you was never normal never loving alcoholics disown

family members who act as individuals children misunderstood as eccentric artists often held to account for past misdemeanors maybe there is no line clearly demarcating adulthood at eighteen I don't care how the state defines when our legal obligations start clean lifting the veil of lies secrecy deception I resolve as my goal yellow with Dutch courage dad went orange with rage remove red at cleaners

Eternal Remorse ~ Friday, 20 November 2017

If probability is metaphysical I will outlive you all not because I enjoy this life much more than you no quite the opposite because I find sorrow at every turn I cannot turn away to look on other spectacles with more appeal knowing full well I hear the call response necessary someone must say what can not be said by others not by politicians nor by news journalists but only by poets

Never will I know joy only fleeting moments always minding the scales as I seek this balance others take for granted safe without deposit the only pleasure known to a man like myself is one found in a book undermined by sibling rivalry someone gains the upper hand and wins relations with family distorted over years resolves between brothers enter resolution talks in a local bar dissolve without focus

Lifting up the casket of my father never happened as his son fails in a timely manner to show up before death to obtain a blessing still a poet transforms when a patriarch falls the pallbearers remain time slips year after year the divide grows wider between brothers whose sins embrace only childhood mishaps strangers beyond youth leaves both still guessing no one harbors ill will but our mother whose scorn cannot hide the dark stain

Omniscience ~ Friday, 20 November 2017

After the state tells us we're old enough to fight and die for our country whether we choose to join the armed forces or choose to work until we die even if we believe we did not choose our path at every step we chose it was we who engaged in other people's games fell for their tricks you see God does not care what type of life you choose to lead for He already knows how your story plays out from start to finish only your legacy

as a human being who creates her own life by her words and actions no one else can decide to override your will unless to justify choices you made under duress beyond control when body and mind close human beings give up their right to their freedom to live lives in bondage otherwise why would you allow pimps to abuse your body without clothes released from any guilt you became a victim to blind supremacy

ask not who bears the weight of fools who suffer time and again transactions still worse yet transgressions borne from childhood mishaps beaten into her skull heinous adults keep down others they can oppress the system doesn't care otherwise the blind eye looks away out of fear if we use a bandage relapse may continue without recourse to care empty as a ship's hull even if the sun sets at the horizon it's an illusion we share

Malicious Genius ~ Friday, 20 November 2017

Diabolos across time hurls a monkey wrench into a factory inspired by his genius to accuse a peasant of kicking off his shoe accusations corner with slander while machines try to devour his boot by sabotage Old Nick Diabolos destroys the works lets history lift the funereal veil off blind poker face cheats a devil cannot lead old habits overwhelm his heart with smoker's lungs Satan coughs up a storm 

Descartes creates a foil a malicious demon a deceiver so great even Descartes denies such a being warrants proof to display the true object of his study during meditation he discovers the root for proving he exists doesn't reside outside cogito ergo sum only his proof requires radical doubt as key to know who plants the seed left in the soil to grow from the earth to assume any organic form 

Take Faust for example he became a legend some choose to emulate even Robert Johnson met him at the crossroads yet the devil's bargain under circumstances beyond recognition underlies your consent form a document made by Satan's own legal minions ready to groom extending hands to shake the deal of a lifetime nevermind the jargon let your hand sign the form your perfect fourths will sound playfully augmented

Young Hare ~ Friday, 17 November 2017

In the zendo before meditation I hear the phrase dropping away body and mind and I reply inside my head not two not one and sit in silence and focus on my breath and posture words rattle in my head deception at each turn like a hall of mirrors inside my head I play entrancing games to keep me awake language hides behind a long black cape magic feeds illusions makes words larger than life more important than food 

in the same place I sit in a pew and listen to jazz vibraphonists my girlfriend by my side later on I mention a perception to wit perhaps the energy and memories of jazz will remain as I said asking not from query but from zazen practice right there atop that stage language hides a rabbit inside a black top hat children with mouths agape ask not out of wonder or surprise but to learn an crafty attitude 

a graceful antelope leaps about in my head as I sit in honest contemplation of mind and body as not two not one beyond language understanding beyond concepts categories definitions meanings multiple shifting thoughts springing inside my head lions leap from a cage engage in swift pursuit of a red antelope whom they seek advantage not two not one not mind not body not language focus on my breathing

Nothing Lasts Forever ~ Monday, 13 November 2017

Sorrow sweet sorrow sad I will borrow sweet sad sorrow on the morrow on the morrow sorrow sweet sorrow sad I will borrow lost memories rolling hills grey blue skies remind me forever of something I forgot rolling hills blue grey skies remember forever someone feels my sorrow on the morrow you may borrow sweet sad sorrow someone whom I have lost worry not to return not to return times past sorrow sweet sorrow sad 

borrow a length of cord borrow the hangman's noose borrow the time and place on the morrow order the green red leaves sweet sad sorrow fill treasuries rolling green boiling red sorrow sweet boiling blood sorrow sad hangman's knot rolling hills true prey flies falcon meat in red beak sorrow sweet blue grey skies on the morrow I will borrow those memories I forget at some cost worry not to return to return to sorrow to memories gone bad 

must I remind myself times past time forgotten someone died lost in grace on the morrow will I borrow a page from grace sorrow sad sorrow sweet rolling clouds grey blue skies never let me forget sorrows green sorrows bled rolling clouds blue grey skies remind me forever memories create lies on the morrow I will create new memories and make new friends to meet worry not to return to sorrow to the door behind which you are dead

Nibble ~ Saturday, 11 November 2017

Words cannot fix the world but speech can heal old wounds between rivals bitter enemies become friends with certain concessions with admissions of guilt to acts of deception or heinous wrongdoing oh who am I kidding besides forgiveness not a thing will help to mend hearts broken by liquor elegant speeches make nothing happen magic occurs not with language despite what we believe about the power of words a child knows when she prays 

beside her damp wet bed with the broken window inside her cold bedroom running a slight fever she asks for forgiveness while sucking on her quilt only God hears her prayers directly from her heart He listens for hidden key signatures to score a symphony of songs lamenting her sorrows even though the child cries out for her mother God hears only her anguish nibbling on her bones she thanks Him for setting her whole body ablaze 

winter arrives as soon as the dessicated trees lose their fallen plumes inside her dark attic Helena sees the stars sing for her songs of joy not to despair or lose hope even while alone when no one sees her tears drenched in sweat from fever rising in temperature her brain boiling borrows oil for the kerosene lamp to light up her room to find her favorite toy wishing her mother near she holds Mumble Bunny close and nibbles his ears

Sonnet ~ Wednesday, 8 November 2017

My doppelgänger ghost haunts Mumbai an infant left behind restless soul never to speak never to sleep never to piss himself crying a storm even if we brought him instead of me my death would haunt his memory my brown baby brother my undelivered twin my stillborn infant troll only God or Satan can spare him suffering neglected unwanted neither God nor Satan care a lick for the boy he hides a spectral form Icarus never flew so close to the blue sun his gaze pure jeopardy Casimiro my twin also could not fly high he was born without wings 

Demons angels and God exist within the mind like a city haunted enigmatically by the cries of a dead child imagined as my own verité is not truth but narrative in style autofiction is lies I died unlike my twin when we left India a land I won't call home Casimiro the boy is just an invention a thriller without spies elegy for my life away from my homeland I the dead soul who sings

Defiance ~ Monday, 6 November 2017

If this is the meaning and measure of life I want nothing of it sometimes mother I wish I were an abortion or stillborn in your womb like my older brother a blue baby nearly strangled by his own cord ask whatever you want of me I will not serve you nor any dumb shit nitwit from our family I am done with all you argumentative cunts decide to remove me from your will I don't care all I wanted was love

not games where you attempt to control my balance with talk of shame and guilt only I would be so stupid to believe you loved me rot in your tomb together forever with your husband ashes and bones only day a sword in the form of a pen will cut your family down those who remain alive fear not that I should want revenge I shall not lift a finger to harm runts your favorite son helped bring into this world wretched beasts whom the waves will shove

under the sea until drowned such is the magic of language words have built noble works of grandeur but also cursed families who won't care for their own do whatever you like your descendants were doomed before I penned these words only remember if you can your kitchen knife against my wrist to thrive not only will I need to forget my childhood like ripples from a stone emanate from zero to dissipate along with tears of dodo birds

☆ Pardon ~ Saturday, 4 November 2017

Without a doubt it was entirely my fault I am to blame for not acting sooner for not showing remorse for not showing up before death took my father away where flames consumed his corpse to leave ashes and bones enter my world of shame where everything I do is wrong like getting caught reconnecting with friends my father told me not to contact nor to meet yes Ricky lit a fire Andy and Louis ran I stayed to put it out 

Excuses aside thin watery excuses deserve a good thrashing xenophobia in Southern California made me say shibboleth countless times to fit in as a foreign-born son who felt both sticks and stones under circumstances outside my own control my father beat me good sixty minutes later I lay crying in bed never could I entreat either of my parents to forgive and forget wrongs accrued without doubt 

Life in America was anything but milk and honey this flashing into reality the phenomenal world lifting away the veil quarrels with brown squirrels never advisable taught me with whom to fight under no condition never argue with mom she endured like redwood in the national parks of Sequoia and Kings Canyon where to travail deliberate hard work would deliver liquid to quench fires of delight

☆ Happiness ~ Saturday, 4 November 2017

I never got the chance to say goodbye to say thank you to my father silly to think four years later that gratitude would wash away the pain language leaves me speechless the confusion I felt just trying to make sense articulating why I never got along with my dad why bother needless explanations never answer questions but cover grief with lies difficult to stay true to not accept denial the family way for years

lifting the veil of fear and illusion from eyes that remember childhood only as a latch-key kid could in solitude with only tears to gain never did I know then how long I would suffer before I climbed the fence ending years of trauma by family torturers amateurs in the art leave me with my sorrow lonely and all alone looking into dark skies yellow diamonds at night speak the length of light years black treacle to my ears

surely honey attracts flies better than sea salt as I know now I stood honestly with no chance to stand up for myself I learned to keep quiet only to bite my tongue because no one wanted to listen to these words realize alcohol affects the future lives of your children to start effective relations in love or for business young men's hearts run riot simply from the hormones flooding the brain and blood with the songs of bluebirds