Marginalized because I was different, not like my teachers, creative
Aspects of the Novel, a book Stolte gave me after graduation
Remember gratitude comes after a good deed, not from disappointment
Gratitude is grateful for assistance offered, accepted with success
Ignorance disregards, out of sight, out of mind, neglect grows from failure
Neglect disappoints me, guidance forgotten drowns my future in a tank
Art of Literature, another book Stolte gave me, I read both books
Literature teachers are sometimes close-minded, puritanical prudes
Intentionality is not a concept known by a fourteen year old
Zenith to my nadir, Eiswerth suspended me my second week at school
Eiswerth, I didn't know, she tried to expel me, for a sexy essay
Diagnostic essay, peppered pornography, I wrote this for Lacey
Bitter roots, freshman year, sixth and eighth grades, I wrote sentences for Lacey
Entranced by my freedom to explore in language my sexuality
Creative artistry comes out of non-judgment, judgment kills artistry
Artists struggle through life from judgmental people in positions of power
Understanding is not easy, seeking context and perspective is hard
Suffering judgmental censor as a young man came with a guillotine
Enduring in writing despite the first setback, I suffered still further
"I am a wicked man. An unattractive man. I think my liver hurts." (Pevear/Volokhonsky)
Wicked is as wicked does, the act is being, being is becoming
Aspire to write beyond earth, faith and words, the nets flung at a new-born soul
Savagery corrupts souls but I learned a lesson, they were protecting me
Daimonion, Miłosz spoke to me in a word what inspires him to write
Initiated now in corrupt practices of people in judgment
Forgo honors programs, study with the others, the downtrodden masses
Forget I was privileged until the rug was pulled right out under my feet
Ego reflects the self, seeks out identity, sameness and not difference
Reflecting on the mind, my vision upside-down and reversed, left to right
Ego inhabits souls, leaving ugly imprints, but luckily, I left
Noxious, Grendel's mother, since I was protected but by whom I knew not
Traverse the universe in search of ancestors, heaven, limbo and hell
Noxious odors, a scent, I caught a whiff, perfume, no, perhaps dragon's breath
Obstreperous, a child, at times, under duress, under extreme distress
Trauma, hopeless, helpless, I drowned in the bottle with the ship still inside
Lecherous, an old man as a bright teenager, I was trapped in my soul
Ignorance meets karma within consequences, active repercussions
Kiss the girls, make them cry, they taught us how to act, language in words were lies
Elicit illicit vocabulary words to use in sentences
Mustard gas made morons of us all, we poison our fellow man for war
Yet, this is power, control, our nationality, language and religion
"Teacher, teacher teach me love, I can't learn it fast enough, teacher, teacher" (Lowe)
Education from books taught in school, Grapes of Wrath, bored us to death of Joad
Align the mind with stars, white light streaming lightning fast, subdued by whiteness
Channel my energy into running, writing and deep concentration
Humbleness was unlearned, Southern California was all about swagger
Engage in truthfulness, in honesty, brutal towards the self, concrete
Realize the distinct possibility that truth is simply fiction
Singularity feels intensity, focus, sharpen the mind, wake up
Creativity bursts through the bottle, the rum and Coke my father drank
Religion tried to hold us in her grip, tightly, like a mother, afraid
Entertainment pictures images and ideas, people, places and things
Aspects of the novel, I could not write fiction, characters in my head
"Touch your hand to the wall at night," to sleep, fucked up, got ambushed, zipped in, dream
Inspired daimonion inspires others to write, lyrics, poems, fiction
Viscerally gutted, eviscerated guts hanging out, seppuku
End it all, end it now, cut off my head, do it, promises, promises
