Fever ~ Thursday, 25 January 2018

If I should die before the dawn remember me if you can bear this life was mine for a short while you helped me live gave me shelter fed me loved me I know no one other than you who has served me as a patron a beloved to my person upon this earth you kiss my head when I am sick you kiss my lips when I am well I am sorry I could not put order to house and home with cats and books throughout my forehead warm as fires I set when but a child to burn in hell if it exists my body cramps my hands contort the pain is great but naught compared to the brimstone that awaits me I am no friend of God above the myths we make to explain pain sorrow this world on fire I burn not eternal but here and now in this body this shell of life this warm vessel full of warm blood why did I wait so long to ask you to marry my own person you know as well as I betrayal as a phoenix rise from ashes you my dear Pam are my anchor you ground my boat when the weather bodes tornados run run run run when I feel well to recover from injury in sport as well as in marriage divorce a game no Catholic born into Church and raised to feel disappointment as to enter never to see my father's face in his casket since my brother and my mother their insolence grand and profound cannot undo that day's events nor the backlash that continues until her death and his as well if I should die before their deaths do not invite them to take part in any grand celebration of this my life they would not know how much I hate their own persons for one can love and only hate love abandoned if my ship sails towards sunrise past horizon into the dark reaches of night do not worry I am now free and you always deep in my heart